A Very Emotional Break-Up With Your Social Media Feed

Mercilessly Carving Up Space for Creativity

One of the reasons I am so horrified by the kind of schedules kids have these days is that it leaves no room for downtime, for boredom, for unstructured exploration.

I grew up like that.

I was part of a militaristic school system. I was always busy, striving towards something, and it was fun. I had as many chances to compete in physics and math tournaments as in soccer tournaments, but no one ever told me to slow down.

Sure. I'm fine. And I didn't get in trouble. Much.

But I don't know how to relax.

What happened next was that I would experience these extended periods where I couldn't will myself to do anything else.

One person warned me, but I dismissed him even though I admired him very much.

He was the Dean of the School of Engineering at "La Universidad del Norte." I met him while training to become a research assistant at school. Sixty students applied to a rigorous training that would allow us to help teachers as research assistants. He was a fascinating and provocative thinker.

I asked for a private meeting with him, and when he gave me one, I told him of my plan. Along with my 18 credits in industrial engineering, I wanted to double major in mechanical engineering.

He shot me down.

But what he told me remained with me forever. He said, “Quieres terminar una carrera or quieres terminar a la carrera.” The translation, which I will give you in a second, will always feel unsatisfactory because it doesn't account for local slang, "Do you want to finish a major (una carrera), or do you want to finish in a rush (a la carrera)?"

He had nailed it.

He had warned me.

And still, I ignored him.

After he rejected me, I pivoted because my need to do more than everybody else consumed me.

So, I went to the dean of the School of Economics, with whom I had a relationship. I had completed two summers at the School of Economics and met her there. I was one of ten people and the only young person in the room, but I didn't care. They had brought luminaries from the School of Chicago to teach us about international economics. I was there both summers and happy to be there.

She was a bit more receptive to my proposition, so I was double majoring in industrial engineering and economics. The semester before I left Colombia, I experienced what I now know as depression. Whenever I wasn't going to school and studying, I was sleeping. I was sleeping a lot. And maybe it wasn't depression. Perhaps it was just burnout or mental fatigue.

After I moved to the States and seven schools rejected me after I had burned all my ships, I felt disappointed and crushed but also a little relieved. Two years later, when I picked myself up, I didn't choose to finish engineering. I chose something I love: Communication Studies.

The thing is that other than that one dean, no one ever said take it easy.

We say it in society, but we don't believe it.

I see the schedules kids have, and I'm horrified. I don't think the kids graduating now or later will know how to chill. They won't fucking know. Parents who are busy working to keep up with the price of life have to sign them up for all sorts of activities. When they are not doing activities like AP, three sports, and two leadership positions, they spend their time hooked on TV or social media.

It only worries me because I am dealing with the aftermath of having no downtime.

I still overcommit.

I still overload myself.

I still take on too much.

I still burn and crash.

But now, a little older, I'm slowly learning to be kinder to myself. I have the support of my wife, who always gently calls me out and says, "You just need to relax a little. Sleep more. Things will happen when they need to happen. Go back to what you love."

It is nice to have people like that in my corner. I hope you do, too. If you don't, consider me your support: "You just need to relax a little. Sleep more. Things will happen when they need to happen. Go back to what you love."

Related and unrelated.

A few weeks back, I publicly journaled about how I did not feel I was getting anything out of social media feeds and doom scrolling. I would log in once daily and post some thoughts on why I don't think scrolling contributes to artistic recovery and freedom.

Would you find a small manifesto on abandoning the algorithm useful?

I'm asking because, after two weeks of posting these thoughts, I felt I was done with the algorithm and could finally walk away from it. I put it in pause because it feels like stepping away from the algorithm is more of an intimately personal, creative curiosity for me, I will save it for a later project. And maybe the people who would be interested in it, are already gone or in the process of leaving.